If I Told You
- Anthonio von swagger
- Jun 29, 2023
- 3 min read
Updated: Apr 3
My name is Anthonio Von Swagger and I am honored to present an original piece entitled "If I told you". I wanted to present your readers with a poem from the perspective of a diagnosed man that presents questions and explains multiple scenarios about mental specialties when pertaining to relationships. I wanted to show how vulnerable and intimidated one may be when wanting to pursue women. I want to be a voice for men afflicted in hopes of changing the narrative and offering an insight to how difficult and intimidating approaching women and relationships may be when you are fighting the stigmas of a diagnosis. I am hoping that this piece allows people come from underneath the bed and face fears honestly and safely. I cannot promise Readers and listeners that I am the best person to present an article on this topic however I can guarantee that I will give an honest and open perspective.
If I Told You.
If I told you that I hear voices and noises, and depression keeps me in my bed. Would you judge me or begrudge me? Could I depend on you to love me? Would you empathize and hug me? Could you see the beauty in the things that the world finds so ugly? If I told you that I was suicidal, would I be any less of an idol? Would you hang up the phone and leave me to my demise and idle? Could I confide in you without going viral? Can I cry as I explain how out of control things had spiraled? Would you stay be my side with prayers from the bible? Or blame my paranoia for burned bridges and rivals? If I told you that I see things that I cannot always explain. Would you call me crazy? Or insane? Be Afraid? and look at me with shame? and disdain. If I told you that I was schizophrenic, would you disassociate from fear? and tell me my discernment is unreal like the things I see and hear? Can I tell you I am an empath that is afraid to touch and feel? Would you still see my genius and hold me near and dear? Or see me like movie propaganda capable to kill? If I told you that I couldn't read Would it be hard for you to believe? That I get panic attacks, and it becomes hard to breathe. Would you ignore my plight because what you see is intriguing and intelligent? Would you ignore my needs and make my triggers irrelevant? If I told you that I am great, would you still feel safe? Or counter my wellness with anger and strafe? If I told you that I am ready, would you give me a chance? Could you see me past present circumstance? If I told you about my disorder, would you run for the border? Or that sometimes I'm so alone I go to public places and loiter. Would you still see me as attractive? If I told you that I am introverted and inactive? and that I stay in the house for months isolated and held captive. If I told you that my reality was multiple personalities, would you study me like a book? Would you look for similarities and commonalities? Could you have patience for my informality? and hold me liable to principalities? Often times I forget formalities. I am accountable please forgive my technicalities. If I told you I was disabled, would I no longer be able? Could you trust me to provide quality or substance and bring meaning to the table? Would it still be possible to be successful and stable? If I told you I was alone, could I reach you by phone? If I said I was symptomatic, would you come to my home? Can you calm me with assurance with words and tone? If I told you I took medicine, would I still be perfect for your family? Would I be a liar and unforgivable, so you curse and damn me? Would you do research for alternatives? Or block and ban me? If I told you I had been in a mental facility, would you see me differently? Or look at my disability as an abnormality or grotesquely? Could you see my ability and overlook my inability? Would you praise my effort despite my lack of auxiliary? If I told you that I could love, would you still see my diagnosis? Or would you offer me the tools for a healthier prognosis? If I told you that there was no chance of a recovery, could I depend on that we would still be friends? Could it be possible to have your heart without any breaks or mends? Or are the things I've told you not the qualifications you search for in men?
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